No one wants to be told as a matter of fact they are doing something that is socially wrong. The truth is that socially correct behaviors are many times a matter of societal and personal preferences. Children want to be independent. When they are told they are doing something wrong many times they think they what they do is something that you personally don’t like. If you tell a child as a fact that they are doing something wrong chances are they may become hostile toward you and repeat the behavior as a sign of their independence from you.  Instead, tell the child what he or she should do in a secretive way. For example, if a child sneezed and didn’t cover their mouth whisper in the child’s ear, ‘you know you really should cover your mouth, so no one else can catch it! Ok?’  When a child is spoken to in such a manner they have no choice but to listen, simply because you were respectful to them.

I can remember many open school day conferences when parents cursed, yelled and even physically reprimanded their children in front of me. Unfortunately I was not surprised rather just sad. I didn’t know how to react. However, after 2 years of seeing this behavior by parents at open school night, it finally started to come together. My students needed to be socialized and it was my partially responsibility to do that. You are probably thinking, this guy isn’t the father of any of these students? His job is to teach his students! Unfortunately when you’re teaching in the ghetto in the inner city you’re going to have spend time teaching, modeling, and encouraging good behavior because many of the students are not taught good behavior at home. If you don’t you won’t get much teaching done. One benefit that parents and teachers will realize when they are consistent in teaching positive behaviors is that kids will gain an enormous respect for them and eventually repeat the positive behaviors they have been taught.  

Written by Charles Mathison

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